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what we say in private

by Ada Lea

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    - Two art prints
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1.
mercury 04:41
Is there something big you regret 
And it’s eating up any life that is left
 And you roam around trying to escape
 The awful worm inside coursing through your veins Nothing here to make a fuss You’ve made it known that it is time That close another door
 That someone’s not enough I have always thought so it must be true 
In every case i’ve seen even you are proof There is always one person who does love Just a little more than the other Nothing here to make a fuss You’ve made it known that it is time That close another door
 That someone’s not enough When you’ve had enough! Doodoodoodo Now you’re convalescing from the injury That happened last spring
 And it drained you very quickly
 And now you’ve had enough!
2.
wild heart 03:58
I know I said that it doesn’t matter anymore And i can’t take that back
 Long night drawn out fights
 And our pain is a curtain we draw at times Your greed! (no my greed) 
Your unkindness! No my unkindness Long live the wild heart, babe Always groping for answers Hungry for experience
 Always touching the neighbour God watches over us in disbelief
 And i take your head with my hand
 A ring of dancers form around the house To surround us 
and i pray that every door is shut But in my heart i know 
that any woman bound to enter, will Long live the wild heart, babe Always groping for answers Hungry for experience
 Always touching the neighbour
3.
the party 02:55
Ditch the party in your beat up truck You’re always leaving when the night starts And the moon was a strange shade of green or orange Was i wrong? cause i couldn’t tell the difference at all At all Made a right turn for the freeway Stood on the porch watching you get away And that night was a pure shade of honest Or something Was i wrong? Cause i couldn’t tell the difference at all At all
4.
So you want to dance alone now 
You want to speak less Somehow You want your bed to yourself now You want to breathe?
 Well go ahead now You want to take the step As the first vow 
You want to pick the fruit Off of every branch now You want to hold your head high Dandle your heart around
 You want to go stag
 And leave town Today is gonna be a good day I heard you wanna die
 Be confetti floating in the sky Celebrate your life 
And all that you’ve done right Do you wanna dance?
 With me just one last chance? Walking down the deserted street and the street lamps are flickering and there’s something pulling at your pant leg - you look down and there ain’t nothing there but that nagging always clawing at your insides and sometimes your left * pant leg - you realize at that very moment you just want to feel something - at that very moment, while you’re walking down that deserted street, right then and there, it all dawns on you - i just want to feel something, it’s always you For real now not pretend
5.
I was wondering, how much is this dove? How much work? How much work does it entail? I’m looking for a pet - An easy pet Honey I do fine in the day time 
The sun creeps through my window and i draw them wide And i read all morning
 And time goes swiftly by Honey i do fine in the day time 
The sun creeps through my window and i draw the blinds wide And i read 
All morning -So i’ll take the dove, please 
Just one dove
—>
6.
What makes me sad is i can’t (--)
 What makes you sad i don’t know
 But if your eyes well up at the thought of it Well that’s a sure way to know But every moment i’m good Is one you take and 
Wring it out until it’s gone We stared so hard at each other 
We lost all sight of ourselves 
And now I’m feeling vacant from myself Give me your wild and taciturn eyes
 So i can see the thick line you drew right over there To divide me from you Wring it out until it’s gone What makes me sad is i can’t (--)
 What makes you sad i don’t know, no no, no no nono But if your eyes well up at the thought of it
 Well that’s a sure way to know
7.
the dancer 05:08
Some days i feel like dancing
 Some days i don’t
 Some days i just and watch
 The sun dancing through my window Some days i am a daisy Dancing with the breeze
 But some days i am the foot that has to step on everything Even on clear days your judgement is cloudy 
Even on clear days you’re expecting thunder and rain So does that make me the dancer Dancing in and out of circles
 The dancer 
Dancing in and out of synch The dancer 
Dancing in and out love
 The dancer
 Dancing in and out life with you
8.
takes you back again 
and the wind is your song against my cheek it may sound juvenile
 but i can’t help wondering if i tricked you into loving me and there was hesitation always with the hesitation caught in a stance between stride and stillness you always followed the sun and i the moon 
or have i misremembered? either way 
it all makes much more sense now it is true
 that sunsets and storms get all the attention sun and moon are disparate things
 and we fought for each one in turns 
at different moments and in varying degrees but soon, soon soon
I can be my own girl again yanking the pearls off around my neck they’ll say “look at her!”
 walking in Parc Ex.
 with a spring in her step
9.
180 days 03:50
I want the days to go by
 Half a year to be precise 
I want to spend all my time
 Keeping track of cycles of moon in sky Smash your head on the pavement
 Just to feel near to something new
 And with your cheek glued to gum
 Feel let down cause nothing hurts quite as much as missing those days Or howling the name Or learning of a new love 180 days
 That is how much time it may take 180 days I want the days to hurry by 
Without losing my mind 
And go to a party 
Fall in love with everyone that i meet And the days will hurry by 
Half a year to be precise
 That is what i am told Counting every moment 
Till i’m six months older
 And that much farther from standing still but still dancing in circles From challenging everyone and their mother
 From being the worst kind of jealous love
 And if you want it baby you’ll get it crazy 
Enough with the madness (don’t speak of your sadness) Your one saving grace is you’re clear as a vase But if you think you might die well before you try I’ll let you in on a secret, no matter the details 
Of how it did start no matter how dark - you can’t
10.
easy 04:03
When you go 
Close the door 
Leave the key so you can’t enter anymore And I’ll take my head 
Throw it back
 Disassociate myself from all i’ve said This is hard 
Or am i wrong
 We have been down this road One hundred times before With all of this
 On again off again All of this
 On again off again Cause it’s not easy Now i’m bored
 From all the talking
 We have said these things so much they’ve lost all meaning I’ll have you know that every moment 
That was spent loving you i felt the equivalent In difficult experience All of this on again off again It’s not easy

about

Montreal, Quebec-based musician Alexandra Levy—who records and performs as Ada Lea—is also a painter and visual artist, and traces of her many creative abilities run throughout her debut album what we say in private, a beautifully colourful collection of profound pop songs released via Saddle Creek + Next Door Records.

Whether it’s creating music or art, “It's a world that I can build around me and sit inside,” she says. ‘what we say in private’ began with a need to document the ending of an important romantic relationship. Following a significant breakup, she journaled for 180 days and the process eventually resulted in a rebirth: a rediscovery of self and a new sense of freedom and self-acceptance.

These chaotic feelings and the resulting catharsis are deeply felt in the final recording of ‘what we say in private’. Levy wanted the Ada Lea album to feel like a journal entry from those 180 days as she cycled through emotions. Throughout, she expresses feelings and thoughts that all humans experience behind closed doors and alone, but are conditioned to keep to themselves. This is reflected in the lyrics, the artwork, and the songs -- together forming a public exhibition of deeply private matter. The album is a collection of raw, confessional, and at times messy emotions, presented to a society that can fear such realness, often favouring the uncomplicated, curated, and manicured.

Levy delivers something very special on what we say in private. Bold and daring, but also gentle and vulnerable, the album finds new ways of presenting its vision from one inspired idea to the next, a big leap into the wider world with passion and exuberance.

credits

released July 19, 2019

album photography by Monse Muro + design by Catherine Pelletier

all songs and lyrics written by Alexandra Levy
produced by Alexandra Levy and Tim Gowdy (except 5, 8)
recorded by Tim Gowdy (1, 2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9, 10) Alexandra Levy (5) Harris Gilbertshper (8)
mastered by Heba Kadry

We acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts.
Nous remercions le Conseil des arts du Canada de son soutien.

This project is funded in part by FACTOR, the Government of Canada and Canada’s private radio broadcasters. Ce projet est financé en partie par FACTOR, le gouvernement du Canada et les radiodiffuseurs privés du Canada.

Made possible with the support of Ontario Creates.

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Ada Lea Montreal, Québec

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